From Boys to Men
Written by Margaret Wilcox for SageWoman Magazine
Four years ago I gave birth to my first boy, Logan. I had prayed to the Goddess for a boy and was elated when he was born. I was fortunate to give birth in a birthing center that looked like a cabin surrounded by a deck and Florida pine trees. We had the whole suite to ourselves, and felt like we were on vacation. I took herbals like Motherwort to lighten my contractions and mood. The birth itself was no easy task, but I mustered and delivered.
But while pregnant with Logan, his energy knocked me on my butt. I could feel his life-force tugging on mine right in the solar plexus. I was anemic and drained, and I had to stop giving energy sessions. I sought out healing from others.
I received a psychic reading and all the reader could talk about was Logan. According to her he was destined to heal the Earth and had several spirit guides. Then one of my spiritual teachers kept saying he was an Ascended Master and already knew it all through several lifetimes. Since my pregnancy, Logan’s world has dominated mine. I mean, here I was trying to have personal spiritual experiences and his energy was what was felt.
[While I write, this, Logan is taking my pen away. Now he’s hitting me with it so I give him my full attention. Ah, the joys of motherhood and its challenges for privacy. After 10 years of parenting, my adrenals are shot. Breathe momma!]
There’s intensity about Logan that is different than my two girls. He has a strong personality that can glow with glee in one moment, and then be defiant, stubborn and angry in another. I’ve learned what sets him off so we minimize his triggers and accentuate his joys.
Funny, my husband is also this way. Mostly so loveable, fun and kind, but when angry, his life force encompasses the entire space. He has the deepest, loudest voice with the strength of James Earl Jones. When I want to gain the attention of my household, I replicate that same intensity of voice—not loud but commanding. I’ve learned that there are times that the assertive male persona is useful. I used to be such a pacifist, but when three kids, a husband and cat are always underfoot—wanting, needing, demanding—I have to create order in the chaos.
Despite Logan’s clear boyishness, he loves dressing up like a girl. His two older sisters have a multitude of costumes from dance recitals and thrift stores. We’ve purchased boy dress up clothes, but they just didn’t have the same appeal. Let’s face it, girl clothes rock—so many sparkles and wings. Oh and let’s not forget the silver-heeled shoes with the disco balls on them.
The dance recital costumes, of course, are accompanied by…a dance….which he watches over and over again on video. He sits mindfully watching every move, then jumps up and reenacts them almost perfectly. I have a confession to make. I play these for him so I can do some yoga or meditation for my inner balance. Mommy needs to recharge her batteries.
Tights are Logan’s favorite, which are often worn upon the head. He must then suffer the wrath of his ballerina sisters who are required to wear their tights in class. Getting Logan his own won’t do. Theirs are way more fun! Luckily I don’t wear tights, pantyhose or anything of the sort. I stopped that years ago after leaving the corporate world. It’s my jewelry box that often gets pilfered. Well heck, I sold most of my jewels and gold anyway. Who needs possessions when you can do things like pay the bills and feed the family?
When Samhain (All Hallows) rolled around, Logan became enthralled with The Little Vampire, a movie where a human boy makes friends with a vampire boy. Then he wanted to be scary. Luckily, Logan’s sisters have become quite proficient with face paints, creating a princess, tiger or “frankendude” at the whim of their brother prince.
I love my little prince. He’s so raw, yet loveable. He leaves his curly hair messy, yells at the top of his lungs and steals pretty things from your hands. I wish I can be more like this—to not care about appearances and the opinions of others, to be wild, carefree and expressive—to me, this is true bliss, like the Goddess Artemis on a wild hunt.
Logan’s adventure into the macabre has piqued his interest in ghosts. When he was younger he was quite a seer. I taught him how to stand his ground and tell them to go away. Now he doesn’t talk about them as much, but he loves the ghost shows. Celebrity Ghost Stories being his favorite. He is most fascinated in ghost children. Just today he told me he was pushing one on the swing.
It’s partly my doing. My interest in ghosts and the “unseen” can be almost cult-like. Through the years, I’ve developed the sixth sense, and now actively see things. My aim is to help others with haunting issues, so I ingest all the stories and techniques I can. Wish I could see the energy between Men and Women like Alex Grey (www.alexgrey.com) in his photos on kissing, copulating and promising. Perhaps couples take on each other’s energy, morphing the two and loosing themselves in the process. The mother/child relationship is so similar. As a mother, I engulf my children like a cloak while they “attach” on to me.
In talking with other moms it seems some also have boys with a sense for the fashion flare, who coincidentally are also seers and empaths. Many of these sensitive boys are cropping up in my world. Not just in my Family Reiki1classes but everywhere.
Could the Goddess energy so needed now on our planet be surging through our world’s young men? Perhaps these new generations are closer to Her than ever before? Imagine a world where everyone balanced their yin with their yang, where future generations embraced the feminine and masculine within. Perhaps Logan’s imitation of the feminine will help him to understand his sisters and I on a deeper level than male and females are currently. Maybe, through feminism, women have screwed themselves by breaking away from a patriarchal dominance, thus separating the bond between men and women. Possibly, by learning to live together in harmony, peaceful relationship can be created.
Though I may ponder the future of male/female relationships, for now, it is up to me to teach my little man how to follow his inner guidance, eat healthy and not break any bones. My hope is that Logan’s heart will stay as open and loving now as when he grows from a boy to a man. With his energetic force, he may have the strength to love others unconditionally and embrace everyone’s feminine side. It is exciting to imagine what the New Earth holds for him and all our future generations.
1 Reiki is an energy technique that comes from the Goddess via the Universal Love Vibration.